Why am I crying about unfollowing someone I barely even know?!
The struggle of being a super-lover!
I've been processing why staying off social (mostly Instagram) has been such a challenge, and it’s probably for a reason you wouldn’t expect...
Recently, I told someone that my Instagram feed is filled with people I met once and can’t seem to let go of. They said, “Meg, just unfollow them. It’s not that serious. They’re irrelevant to you now.” Irrelevant?! Hearing that made my flubbery soul leap out of my body. No!!! (Yes, I do imagine my soul as Flubber from the 1997 comedy, Flubber).
Here comes my problem: my soul believes every life is so big, so beautiful, full of so much pain and joy and big complicated feelings. The fact that anyone's huge, important life could cross paths with mine for just a moment seems improbable. And yet, here we are crossing paths! The magic! The beauty! It is profound!
I think about all the people I’ve followed over the years. The ones I met on a dance floor, at a birthday party, or during a special weekend or conversation. I felt connected to their big, beautiful lives in those moments, saw their sparkle, their joy, their capacity for love. Screamed "WHAT'S YOUR INSTAGRAM" at them and they obliged. I followed them so I could hold onto their magic. I didn’t want to lose that feeling. I didn’t want to never see them again. I love them!
I brought this up in therapy with big tears pling-plonging from my eyes. I know I’m not close enough with these people to stay in touch outside of Instagram. There’s just not enough time to love every human in the world (a thought that makes my tears bigger). I fall in love with people all the time! Not romantically, just in that way where someone shows up for a tiny moment, and I think, “Wow. I’m so glad I met you. You are so special!” And then I say goodbye, knowing, deep down, our paths will never cross again. That’s what breaks my heart. So, I give 'em the ol' "WHAT'S YOUR INSTAGRAM" and it makes me feel better.
And then the spiral gets bigger. I think about all the people I pass every day on the sidewalk or in the grocery store, or those I miss entirely because I didn’t go to that event. All those people with entire galaxies inside them. I’ll never know their weird jokes, their childhood dreams, or how they laugh when things get silly. They pass by, and I’ll never see them again.
Am I really the problem?!
What makes it harder is that I see people this way, and the rest of the world doesn’t. I’m often misdiagnosed as a people-pleaser or naive just because I’m brave enough to love deeply. Most people are trained to view other humans as annoyances. They’re loud. They’re in the way. They drive terribly. They hold up the line. People often act like others are just static in the background. But every stranger is totally, beautifully, specifically themselves. Most forget to even notice their face, a face that has never existed in this exact way before. That alone should be awe-inspiring!!!
So yeah, I’m the kind of person who cries about unfollowing someone I met once on a dance floor four years ago. Because now she has a baby and I feel like I need to see that baby grow up to find out if it has her smile. The idea of letting people go feels unbearable. I’d rather love people hard than see them as static background noise!
What to do?!
My therapist gave me an assignment. They said to find something to do with this feeling that doesn’t depend on social media. A ritual or gesture to make sense of it. Maybe it’s taking a photo with someone I meet and writing down what I loved about them. Maybe it’s saying, "I’m so glad we met. I’m grateful our paths crossed today. I hope they cross again someday, but if not, that’s okay." Maybe it’s writing this right now so I don’t keep holding it all inside.
And if we’ve ever crossed paths, just know I definitely fell in love with you, I've probably cried about maybe never seeing you again, and I’m so grateful our paths crossed. I hope they do again someday!
This week, focus on: loving deeply without needing to keep
When you meet someone or pass by a stranger, love them in the biggest way. Remind yourself what makes humanity beautiful. Say, "I’m so glad we met. I hope our paths cross again. But if not, that’s okay."
I met someone at an art show who said “you have good energy!” It was such a loving comment, something I didn’t know I needed to hear 🥰
I just talked to a friend’s uncle at her birthday party. He has had some difficult times and was telling me about how he’s been doing better lately, and it was so nice to hear about someone’s efforts paying off. I’ll maybe see him one more time and I hope he continues doing better.