Passenger Princessing My Own Life

It's my brain's world and I'm just living in it!

Content Warning: This piece discusses obsession-related mental health issues and includes personal reflections on navigating these experiences. Please engage with care!

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Here’s something to know about me and my brain: we hyper fixate. We have a clinical tendency to obsess. My brain isn’t the kind of brain that dips its toe in or casually enjoys something, it's the cannonball-into-the-pool type. If something sparks my curiosity, I can’t just “learn about it.” I have to INHALE IT. Research, data, information, I need all of it, immediately, and I cannot stop until I’ve completed the task (becoming an expert). It takes over everything. My hyperfixation is in the drivers seat and my physical form is just looking pretty in the passenger seat hoping to be fed and taken care of.

Pick a niche, any niche, and I’ve probably had (or will have) a phase of my life where I've unexpectedly dropped everything and reached expert-level knowledge. Feline kidney disease? Been there. Dog training? Mmm-hmm. Weightlifting? You know it! Early onset dementia? Unfortunately! Meteorology? Call me Doppler Meg! Bar, coffee, and restaurant scene in a city I've never been to? Yes x 1,000!

Recently, it’s the city of Philadelphia. Specifically, moving to Philadelphia. Even more specifically, Zillow’s For Rent section in Philadelphia. I’ve been ordering takeout while simultaneously Googling “Philly rooftop apartments” and Street Viewing random blocks to see exactly how it would feel to walk to the coffee shop from that specific 2br in Olde Kensington. My eyes are glassy from refreshing listings, my friends know more about rent averages than they’ve ever wanted to, and my phone is telling me I spend an average of 6 hours and 30 minutes on Zillow A! DAY!

This is my brain’s version of fun. It’s also worrisome. When I fall down this rabbit hole, or any rabbit hole for that matter, it’s like the rest of life gets placed on hold. Forget the gym, good sleep, balanced nutrition, writing this newsletter, or actively participating in my relationships. My brain’s jingle screams 🎵 don’t stop yet, there’s more to learn, more to uncover, maybe you missed something 🎵 and almost always…I listen for longer than I should.

I wouldn’t exactly trade this part of me for anything. My ability to lock in, to hyperfocus, to go all-in, is why I’ve learned so much, why I’ve launched so many businesses, and why someone can ask for a hyper-specific lunch recommendation in a neighborhood I've never been to and I'll have the perfect answer. It’s a surprisingly beautiful mix of my natural curiosity and my survival skills. But when left unchecked, it can quickly veer from “wow, what a delightful trait” to “Wow, what happened to Meg? Has anyone checked on Meg? Has Meg eaten today?"

What I’ve learned over time is that I have to work with my brain. I can’t force it to stop going all-in (it's simply not interested), but I can give it boundaries. Boundaries aren’t easy for either of us, but they’re necessary if I want to actually exist as a functional human being and not just a Zillow ghost with eye strain.

When I’m in this state, if I wake up and immediately grab my phone to check Zillow, the day is done for. My brain takes over, and suddenly three hours have gone by and I’ve only consumed coffee and rental images. But if I wake up and start differently, with a few deep breaths, some actual reflection, maybe even a beam of sunlight, I feel like I can come up with an intentional plan to steer the day instead of Passenger Princessing my own life while my brain takes the wheel. I can imagine how I want my day to actually look and feel before it’s too late. I can create an intentional strategy and try to gain control before my fixation-brain takes over.

When I do this, when I work with my brain instead of trying to wrestle it under control, I feel balanced. I get to enjoy my hyper-curiosity and learn new things without neglecting, you know, my life. I get to show up for my relationships, my work, my health. I stop feeling like a human data-sponge and remember what it’s like to just be.

If you’ve got a brain that works anything like mine, I hope you know this isn’t about “fixing” you. You’re not broken, you’re just wired uniquely, and that is amazing. Your brain is incredible and full of gifts. And I always say YOU DON'T NEED TO CHANGE UNLESS SOMETHING ABOUT YOU IS CAUSING HARM TO YOURSELF OR OTHERS. And if it is, sometimes our gifts need to be carefully managed. Maybe you're like me and your brain lights up when something grabs your attention, or you find yourself knee-deep in a topic you didn’t even care about last week. That’s not a bad thing, but sometimes, you have to check in with yourself. Are you still in the driver’s seat, or has your brain run off with the keys again?

For me, it’s about showing my brain love without letting it take me hostage. With a little reflection, some structured time, and yes, fighting the urge to open Zillow tabs first thing in the morning, I’ve learned how to share the wheel. Sort of. Most of the time. We’re working on it.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some intentional bucket time left, and I’m going to use it to do something that isn’t Zillow. Probably.

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Update: Later in the day after writing this post, my application was selected and I signed the lease on my dream apartment. And, as usual, my compulsion to check Zillow was instantly released. Phew. Now, onto the next hyperfixation!

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This week, focus on: beginning each day intentionally!

Whether you could relate to my hyperfocus dilemma or not, we could all use more intentionality in our days. It’s so easy to begin your day on your phone or just zooming into life without taking time to center yourself. This week, when you wake up, don't just hurl yourself into your day. Take some time to make a wam beverage, find a sunbeam, close your eyes, breathe, and think about what you want your day to be. Start of intentionally and you'll find that you feel more aligned with who you are rather than an amorphous blob hurling through the day!

What the heck I'm up to!

• A few tickets are still left for my Creative Play Workshop (officially titled Create Outside the Box: Thinking Without Constraints) at Creative Works in Seattle next month! I'd love to see you there!

• Yes, I am moving to Philly soon! My studio space in Gowanus, Brooklyn is available for Sublease starting anytime until October! If you're an artist or designer looking for a ~250 sq foot rectangle to make your work. Let me know and I can send details. It's a great space!